Curiosity Continuum

Brian shares a poignant metaphorical essay on dealing with the many pieces of identity.

The Harmony of Identity

In Western music, there are only 12 notes. These 12 notes, in combinations and patterns, expressed over time, speak a language of the soul in words not formed with syllables.

The richness and color of music comes not solely from melody, which is a single progression of notes, but from harmony, where two or more notes come together to create a combined sound at the same time. The space between these notes shapes how the harmony sounds, or the tonality. This tonality is unique to that group of notes and defines the character of that sound.

Simple or complex, it resonates.

But did you know that the best sounding harmonies are based on a series of compromises? If you listen to a well-tuned piano, each individual note is not perfectly in tune to the exactness of its actual pitch. If it was, the instrument would sound strident and harsh and would not make you think of music. To make this instrument sound musical, a skilled piano tuner (as in, a human being) will start with one pitch, generally middle C, and tune that note to the calibration point, which is often a tuning fork that resonates only at that specific frequency. From there, the piano tuner will temper the tuning of the surrounding notes to that starting note. Meaning, they will adjust the tuning of other notes to resonate in context with the other notes to sound pleasant, not perfect.

So what of identity?

We do not choose the starting notes of our identity we are given in this life. Too often, we strive to hide or diminish a note, thinking it does not, or should not, belong. We may overplay a single note at the expense of our own dimensionality. Or, we try to make perfect each individual note and only end up in internal dissonance.

When in truth, all these notes together makes us special.

Whether close or far apart, those seemingly conflicting parts of us give us character. It’s a messy work of compromise and tempering, and a constant need to tune. But in the outworking, we find peace within the process of making the many notes within us, resonate together in imperfect harmony.

By what measure are you calibrating your starting pitch of identity?

How have you tempered the individual notes in your identity to craft your unique sound?

What harmony of identity resonates from you?

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Brian shares the emotionally candid essay that he submitted as part of his application for his trip to Seoul, South Korea.

THE ESSAY

Korea – An Unfamiliar Place, Deep Within My Heart

My story, like many Korean adoptees of the 1980s, started with an orphanage, Korean foster care, and a plane ride before arriving stateside in the USA.

I grew up as a Korean adoptee in a small town in central Minnesota, as the only child in the family to older parents. Both my parents were the youngest of their siblings, and the timing of my adoption meant I was years younger than all my first cousins, and years older than my second cousins. I was alone in my age group within my extended family.

My adoptive parents were loving and provided me a stable home and safe place to grow up. And, the wisdom given to parents raising a child of a different race in those days was largely color blindness – to de-emphasize the uniqueness of the diversity of humankind by reinforcing the message that where you came from was not important, and that it should not be regarded as important now. While there are indeed shared human experiences across all ethnic groups, and key themes that should unite us as humans: Being Korean, which I am, was left in a neglected place.

And while my adoptive parents reinforced my personal value and worth, they did not know to educate themselves and learn more about where their son came from so they could share stories with him of his homeland.

I did not attend any adoptee camps growing up, nor did I learn anything of Korean culture, food, or language. My first exposure to something largely Korean was watching the 1988 Olympics on television. I learned what kimchi was in middle school, watching re-runs of M*A*S*H.

I do not believe the actions of my parents were malicious in anyway, but the silence in the deep place is felt, even as a child. Now in my 40s, I recently mentioned adding kimchi to my fried rice recipe. My adopted mother, now nearing her 80s, asked in all earnestness, “What’s kimchi?”

For years, well into adulthood, I shut the door to the unfamiliar place to preserve myself, and become somehow, not Korean. But the door could never be fully closed, and only by reopening it in my adult years after college and into married life have I realized the vastness of the place this has taken up in my heart.

As a dad to two wonderful children, now both in their teenage years, it has been eye-opening to me to listen and watch them identify openly and proudly as Korean, something that was silent for me well into adulthood. Their vibrance for life and their curiosity into their ethnic heritage made me realize that the undiscovered places within me needed to be explored and appreciated in a new way. I want them to see their dad grow and explore what it means to know yourself in a healthy way.

I have always been curious and love learning new things. I know that one of the best ways to learn is to immerse yourself in the subject matter. Any standing internal ambivalence about the leap evaporates when you take a dive.

With the economic consequences of COVID lockdowns to my personal finances, I thought any trip would be years out, even though the desire burned bright.

A trip to Korea represents the opportunity to dive into the deep, unfamiliar place within my heart and experience the richness of my heritage.

I have never been back to Korea. I don’t know who my birth family is. I don’t know any Korean language. I know little about Korean culture.

For me, my family, and my legacy: Let’s go explore Korea. Let’s meet the Korean people.

The land of my birth, the roots of my family, the place where past and present kiss and propel me into the future.

Unfamiliar places should not stay unfamiliar.

Korea, the Motherland. Deep in my heart, forever on my mind.

A deeply personal episode - Brian was selected to travel to Korea, his Motherland. He has never been back since his adoption. How do these friends unpack this conversation about the pre-trip anticipation? What do adoptees experience in the formation of identity?

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"This episode is special to me (Josh) because I love dreams and talking about them. I personally hope this is one of many conversations about this topic."  

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Hey everyone, Josh here! Had an idea for this solo episode and wanted to record it and get it out there for your enjoyment.

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Brian bravely steps into rediscovering roots in a far memory and a present reality.

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(Part 2) Two Small Coins founders Erin and Jill go deeper into what practical help and care looks like for widows and share how you can be part of the solution.

Coming out of the gates, TSC is getting ready to fill 100 Christmas stockings for widows, showing care for the caregivers during the holiday season. Who do you know would be blessed by such a gift? Please share their name with Erin and Jill by visiting their website.

ABOUT TWO SMALL COINS

Two Small Coins is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization passionate about providing caring support to younger widows through practical helps, meaningful gifts, and relational connectedness in one of life's most trying situations.

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What would you do if your person suddenly passed away in the middle of raising a family? What would you do?

A special interview with the founders of Two Small Coins, Erin and Jill. Theirs is a friendship forged in shared suffering, and a shared heart to care for other widows in the midst of their flow of life.

Click here to connect with Two Small Coins

TSC Instagram  |  TSC Facebook

(Part 1) What would you do if your person suddenly passed away in the middle of raising a family? What would you do?

A special interview with the founders of Two Small Coins, Erin and Jill. Theirs is a friendship forged in shared suffering, and a shared heart to care for other widows in the midst of their flow of life.

ABOUT TWO SMALL COINS

Two Small Coins is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization passionate about providing caring support to younger widows through practical helps, meaningful gifts, and relational connectedness in one of life's most trying situations.

Coming out of the gates, TSC is getting ready to fill 100 Christmas stockings for widows, showing care for the caregivers during the holiday season. Who do you know would be blessed by such a gift? Please share their name with Erin and Jill by visiting their website.

Click here to connect with Two Small Coins

TSC Instagram  |  TSC Facebook

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